<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Soft Summer Darkness by iam93percentstardust</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233303">Soft Summer Darkness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iam93percentstardust/pseuds/iam93percentstardust'>iam93percentstardust</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Starkbucks Bingo 2020 [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, First Kiss, Getting Together, Introspection, M/M, Melancholy, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Retirement, Team Cap Critical, not anti just critical</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:34:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iam93percentstardust/pseuds/iam93percentstardust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After, after it is over, after the war has been won—though by who, Bucky cannot say—after pardons are granted, after he steps foot on American soil as a free man, <em>after,</em> he seeks out Stark.</p><p>They call Bucky <em>whole</em> and he snorts at the thought. He is not whole. He has a new, working arm, yes, and enough memories to last two lifetimes but he is not whole. He broke apart long ago, splintered into a thousand glittering pieces in a lab in Azzano, ground into dust on a mountaintop in Switzerland, made into something new in a bunker in Siberia, shattered in a river. He is Bucky—and yet, he is also the Winter Soldier and James and the White Wolf and something that doesn’t quite belong to any of the four though he doesn’t know what to call it.</p><p>And he thinks, <em>I am not the only one.</em> He hears the stories that Natasha tells of the years following Stark’s phoenix-like rise from Afghanistan and he thinks, <em>He could help.</em></p><p>OR: Bucky decides to retire instead of becoming a superhero again</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Starkbucks Bingo 2020 [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>StarkBucksBingo2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Soft Summer Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The Winter Soldier's characterization is inspired by <a href="https://iam93percentstardust.tumblr.com/post/627642337482473472/spiderfire47-mystuckyfeels">this</a> post</p><p>Title taken from Sara Teasdale's poem Summer Night, Riverside</p><p>Title: Soft Summer Darkness<br/>Collaborator Name: iam93percentstardust<br/>Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233303<br/>Square Filled: G2 - Retirement<br/>Ship/Main Pairing: Winteriron<br/>Rating: G<br/>Major Tags &amp; Triggers: Steve Rogers critical, post-Civil War<br/>Word Count: 4.5k</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After, after it is over, after the war has been won—though by who, Bucky cannot say—after pardons are granted, after he steps foot on American soil as a free man, <em>after</em>, he seeks out Stark.</p><p>They call Bucky <em>whole</em> and he snorts at the thought. He is not whole. He has a new, working arm, yes, and enough memories to last two lifetimes but he is not whole. He broke apart long ago, splintered into a thousand glittering pieces in a lab in Azzano, ground into dust on a mountaintop in Switzerland, made into something new in a bunker in Siberia, shattered in a river. He is Bucky—and yet, he is also the Winter Soldier and James and the White Wolf and something that doesn’t quite belong to any of the four though he doesn’t know what to call it.</p><p>And he thinks, <em>I am not the only one</em>. He hears the stories that Natasha tells of the years following Stark’s phoenix-like rise from Afghanistan and he thinks, <em>He could help.</em></p><p>It’s a foolish thought. Who would want to help the man who slaughtered their parents? And it was him, no matter what Steve says. He was a killer long before HYDRA ever got their hands on him. They didn’t have to create a robot; they just had to create a blank slate and input their own values. The Winter Soldier knew what HYDRA stood for and he agreed, if only because that was all he knew. And somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind, the Winter Soldier is still lurking, never again able to rise but there nonetheless.</p><p>But he wants to find Stark anyway. Because—because Stark <em>knows</em>. Stark knows what it means to be unmade, to lose part of what makes you you, to be called <em>whole </em>and know that it’s absolute bullshit.</p><p>Stark isn’t at the Compound when Steve and his team return but Rhodes is. Colonel Rhodes who lost his mobility because Steve so badly wanted to keep Bucky safe. Bucky might not have been the one to fire the shot that confined Rhodes to a wheelchair but he feels responsible anyway.</p><p>He brings him dinner that first night as Rhodes sits in his office, looking over the new signatures on the Accords and says gruffly, “’m sorry about your legs.”</p><p>Rhodes looks up at him like he can see right through Bucky’s soul. Bucky doesn’t squirm but it’s a near thing. He thinks his handlers would be disappointed in him and then he remembers that he has no handlers. Not these days.</p><p>“Did you even want him to find you?” Rhodes asks eventually. There’s no question who the <em>him </em>is.</p><p>Bucky shakes his head. “I wanted to come to him. When I knew myself. When I wasn’t afraid of attacking anyone. When I could fill more than a notebook with lost memories. I didn’t want him to come to me.”</p><p>“Are you angry that he did?”</p><p>It’s the frankness that Bucky appreciates. Even Clint, so very painfully blunt at times, had danced around the question. “I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I was then but—” He stops. How can he say it was for the best when it split apart the Avengers the way it did? How can he say that when Rhodes lost his legs and Wanda still has a haunted look in her eyes and Natasha had to run again? He got part of himself back but how much had others lost?</p><p>There’s a glint in Rhodes’ eyes that tells him he knows what Bucky almost said but he just agrees, “Maybe it <em>was</em> for the better.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“It forced Tony to take that retirement I’ve been trying to push on him for almost a decade,” Rhodes says. There’s a sort of forced casualness to his tone that Bucky aches to ask about. Does he know why he’s here?</p><p>“Forced?” he asks lightly, trying to hide his desperation.</p><p>“You were there,” Rhodes says and his voice isn’t casual anymore. It’s as hard as his eyes. “You saw the injuries he took.”</p><p>Bucky looks away. He knows they took it too far—Steve knows it too even if he’s too stubborn to admit it to anyone other than Sam and Bucky. “I want to apologize,” he whispers.</p><p>“You should,” Rhodes agrees. “And so should he. It wasn’t really you he was angry at. He knew three years ago when SHIELD went down that you killed his parents. I think he was just waiting to see if Rogers knew.”</p><p>This is news to Bucky and he suspects it might be news to everyone else as well, except for maybe Natasha who has made a few pointed comments over the last year that makes him think that she knows more that she’s letting on—and that her supposed betrayal of the Accords wasn’t as much of a betrayal as it was a calculated temporary leave blessed by Stark himself. But if she’s not saying anything, then he’s not saying anything. It’s her secret to share or not.</p><p>“You don’t much like him, do you?” Bucky asks.</p><p>“I like him just fine,” Rhodes denies. “He’s a decent leader, a hard worker, surprisingly funny, and brought up some good points with the Accords. But I think he’s blind when it comes to you and this time, it was my best friend who got in his way. Who knows? I might come to forgive him later on—Tony did ages ago—but I’m not there yet. That’s why I’m leaving tomorrow for California, going to head up the West Coast Avengers.”</p><p>“That’s a terrible name,” Bucky says before he can stop himself.</p><p>Rhodes laughs. “I didn’t name it. But I’ll let Tony know you said that.”</p><p>“You’ve already got a team?”</p><p>“I do.” Rhodes eyes him shrewdly. “Why, you interested in joining up?”</p><p>“Maybe,” he hedges. “What would you say if I was?”</p><p>Rhodes spins the tablet so he can look at the new signatures. “I’d say that you didn’t sign the Accords and that, judging by the lack of reaction from Rogers, he doesn’t know you didn’t sign. I’d say you’re looking into retirement.”</p><p>“I don’t want to pick up a gun again,” Bucky says quietly, looking at the blank space where his name should be. If he thinks about it, he knows exactly how it would fit into his hand, can curl his fingers into its missing shape. He hopes that one day, he’ll lose that knowledge for good.</p><p>“Not even to fight bad guys?”</p><p>Who’s to say what’s bad? For seventy years, bad guys were people like Maria Stark. Last year, bad guys were people like Colonel Rhodes.</p><p>“Not even to fight bad guys,” is all he says.</p><p>Rhodes eyes him for a long moment, thoughts hidden away. For all Bucky knows, he’s thinking about what he wants for breakfast tomorrow. Then he pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles something down on it before passing it to Bucky. It’s an address, a foreign one if he remembers his street names correctly.</p><p>“I think you might be interested in this,” Rhodes tells him.</p>
<hr/><p>The great thing about being able to convince Steve that he wanted to go back into the ice while the Wakandans worked on his trigger words is that when he tells  Steve that he wants to take a leave of absence now that he can leave Wakanda, he can convince him not to follow him. He thinks maybe one day that he’d be happy to travel around the world with Steve but right now he’s still trying to figure out who he is without the threat of HYDRA looming over him as well as trying to figure out how to handle the knowledge that Steve would give up everything else in his life to keep Bucky safe—while knowing, at the same time, that he wouldn’t do the same for Steve.</p><p>Maybe Bucky—the old Bucky, the one who hadn’t yet seen war—would have but he’s not that Bucky anymore. He’s something new, something that spent an entire lifetime without Steve, and that something thinks that letting the world burn to save one person is a pretty foolish school of thought.</p><p>He tells the others that he’s leaving three days after Rhodes goes, taking Scott with him. Bucky doesn’t know how he’s going to set up a team on the west coast with only two people but he suspects that Rhodes will figure it out. He seems like that kind of guy.</p><p>Steve tries to argue with him but Natasha and Sam talk him down. He’s grateful to them for that. It feels like ever since he escaped the programming, all he’s done is argue and he’s tired of that. He doesn’t tell them where he’s going, just that he thinks he needs a little more time to get his head screwed on straight and can they please not follow him this time? Natasha outright laughs at that, making Bucky think that it’s been too long since the last time any of them laughed. Hopefully, being back home will help all of them.</p><p>Steve follows him out to the cab, asks him, “When do you think you’ll be coming back?”</p><p>Bucky shrugs. “When I’m ready.” He gives Steve a level look. “I was always going to come back when I was ready.”</p><p>He’s not talking about this trip anymore and he knows that Steve gets that by the way his jaw tightens. “Yeah, I think I deserved that,” Steve says quietly, looking over the compound. Bucky doesn’t know what it was like when the team was really, truly here but he thinks this is probably a lot quieter than it used to be.</p><p>“Tell him I’m sorry, will ya?” Steve asks as he’s climbing into the cab.</p><p>Bucky stops and looks at him, not asking how Steve knows who he’s going to see. Steve has always known him almost better than he knows himself. “Don’t you think it’s time you told him yourself?” he replies and sees how Steve flinches.</p><p>“Yeah, maybe so,” Steve murmurs.</p><p>They hug, exchange a couple lighthearted insults, and then Bucky gets into the cab and tells the driver to take him to the airport. There’s a small one a few miles from here that he’ll use to connect to a larger flight that’ll get him across the ocean. The cab driver seems chatty as they’re driving off but Bucky doesn’t really reply, too lost in thought to pay attention to the man.</p><p>He keeps telling himself that he won’t turn around and look but he does and there’s Steve waving after him. As he watches, Sam comes out and says something to him. Steve nods and follows him back inside. Bucky turns back around, facing forward.</p>
<hr/><p>Italy is nice, all sun-drenched and green and gold and beautiful. He stares out the window as they drive by, looking at the vineyards they pass and wondering if Stark owns any of these. He had googled the address before he left to make sure he wasn’t walking right into a trap and found that this particular villa has been in the Carbonell family for many centuries. It’s older even than Bucky and that’s saying something.</p><p>The driver lets him out at the end of a long driveway and says something to him in Italian that Bucky takes to mean as, “This is as far as I can take you.” He thanks him, pays him generously, and gets his stuff, staring up at the villa.</p><p>Villa, his ass. The place is more like a mansion, like the kind of place you’d see in an old Hollywood film where the hero takes his secret lover for an assignation during the war until they both die because that’s what happens in those movies.</p><p>He turns, shielding his eyes from the glare of the sun, and looks out over the vineyards that Stark apparently does own. He hadn’t known that Stark produces wine on top of everything else but according to his driver, Carbonell wine is highly sought after. The workers seem happy, despite the heat. There are water stations every couple of yards and at the end of each row, a large fan that some of the employees are taking breaks clustered around. He’d heard from Natasha that Stark takes care of his employees but he can see it here.</p><p>Well, nothing for it but to go on and walk up the drive, bringing his suitcase with him, which might be presumptuous but Rhodes had seemed real sure that Stark wouldn’t turn him away. It’s hot going and he’s practically dripping in sweat by the time he reaches the villa.</p><p>The door swings open before he can knock and Bucky automatically flinches, hand going for a gun that he no longer has.</p><p>“Easy there, soldier,” Stark says, leaning up against the doorframe. It looks casual but Bucky spots the gauntlet half-hidden by the frame. He approves. “J told me you were arriving. Thought I’d let you in before you melt from the heat.”</p><p>Bucky wipes his brow with his shirt again, relaxing at Stark’s tone even if he knows the man is still on guard.</p><p>“What’re you doing here?” Stark asks, raising an eyebrow at Bucky’s shirt lifting up.</p><p>“Rhodes told me you retired,” he says with a shrug. “Thought I might see if it suits me too.”</p><p>There’s more to it than that, of course. He knows that and he knows Stark knows that. But Stark just nods to himself and then stands aside.</p><p>“Well then, Bucky—it is Bucky right?” Tony asks and waits for Bucky to nod before continuing. “Guess you better come on in."</p>
<hr/><p>They don’t spend a whole lot of time together those first couple of days. Bucky spends most of his time on his side of the villa and Tony spends most of his time on his. They occasionally see each other during mealtimes but they just kind of grunt at each other and then eat in silence. It’s not bad really.</p><p>In the mornings, Bucky goes out on his balcony and drinks his coffee while he watches the sun rise. He goes inside eventually and naps for a bit—no need to work out when he’s in prime shape and nothing he does will change that. When he gets up, he reads for a while or watches a movie or works out even if it <em>is </em>entirely unnecessary. He takes another nap in the afternoon, just the same as everyone else, and when he wakes up, he wanders out to the kitchen for dinner, where Tony has usually prepared something for them.</p><p>It surprises him to find that Tony is actually an excellent cook. He comments on it that first night and Tony gives him a rare smile and says, “Rhodey and I would have starved if I hadn’t learned how.”</p><p>And that’s how he learns that Tony and Colonel Rhodes shared a dorm and later an apartment during their college days.</p><p>Mostly, it’s quiet, peaceful, and sometimes Bucky doesn’t know what to do with himself but he’s enjoying the chance to find out. He sleeps a lot, a welcome change from his years on the run. Retirement, he decides, suits him. He kind of hopes that Steve never wants him to come back because this? This is great.</p><p>He asks Tony if he can borrow one of his cars one day to drive out around the countryside and when he comes back, Tony is waiting for him in the garage. Warily, he gets out of the car and leans against the closed door, watching as Tony pushes off the toolbox on the back wall and stalks closer.</p><p>“I don’t get you,” Tony says abruptly, frowning. “I thought maybe this was a trap or some desperate attempt of Steve’s to get me to come back but you really want to retire, don’t you?”</p><p>He nods. “Think I’d be happy if I never had to fight again,” he mumbles. “Had enough of that for a lifetime.”</p><p>Tony makes an agreeing sound and then changes topics fast enough to make Bucky’s head spin. “You said you remembered them all.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Even my mom.”</p><p>This might be a mistake but, “Yes.”</p><p>“Do you even regret it?”</p><p>He hesitates.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“I do,” he says slowly, trying to figure out how best to explain it. “But I don’t think the Soldier does.”</p><p>Tony rocks back on his heels. “And you’re not the Soldier?”</p><p>“No, we’re like two different parts of the same person.”</p><p>“And the Soldier…what, isn’t the robot everyone thought he was?”</p><p>“It was advantageous for people to think he was so he encouraged the thought but no,” Bucky says quietly. “He—I—wasn’t a robot. The Soldier was a blank slate: wipe him clean, put your own values and beliefs in, and he’ll do whatever he thinks helps the cause.”</p><p>“The perfect HYDRA soldier.”</p><p>“Exactly,” he confirms.</p><p>“Huh.” Tony looks at him again with those dark, appraising eyes. “Well, it’s more of an explanation than Steve ever gave me,” he says suddenly.</p><p>“Colonel Rhodes said that. He said that you already knew I killed your parents when you went to—to the bunker.”</p><p>Tony nods. “I did,” he agrees. “Look, I’m not saying what Steve, Sam, and Natasha did was wrong. HYDRA and SHIELD, they both had to go and I know that. But there was a whole lot of good stuff that was burned with the bad: undercover agents’ identities burned, locations of occupied safe houses, a few other things. When J and I got the notification that everything had dropped, we went digging through everything, buried what needed to be buried again, save who we could. I stumbled across your files, your mission reports, saw what happened to Howard and Mom.”</p><p>“But you never said anything.”</p><p>“I was grieving at first,” Tony says with a casual shrug, one that Bucky knows speaks to nights of sleeplessness and nightmares because it’s the same shrug he gives Steve whenever he asks if he’s okay. Tony might be casual about it now but he wasn’t always. “And then I was trying to figure out how much of it was you. And Steve never brought it up so I told myself he didn’t know cause if he did and he wasn’t telling me…”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky says. Then, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“For what? Killing my parents or Steve not telling me cause let me tell you, one of those things is not your fault.”</p><p>It startles a laugh out of him and Tony flashes him a quick grin. “The first one.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” Tony offers, jamming his hands in his pockets. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did in Siberia.”</p><p>“You’d just seen your parents murdered right in front of you. Even if you knew about it beforehand, there’s a difference between knowing and seeing. Then, with Stevie not telling you, I can see how it happened. My arm doesn’t thank you but it was understandable.”</p><p>It’s Tony’s turn to laugh now and damn if it isn’t a nice laugh. Doesn’t hurt that Tony’s kind of pretty as well. If they didn’t have that history between them, if Bucky hadn’t been the Soldier, if he’d still just been Bucky, he might have done something about that little spark of attraction he feels in his stomach but he’s not him anymore. So he lets the moment die and when Tony ushers him in and tells him that he made some sort of pasta dish that his mom made for him growing up, Bucky follows silently.</p><p>He’ll worry about that attraction later but for now, Tony is laughing and <em>talking </em>to him and he doesn’t want to ruin the evening with feelings.</p>
<hr/><p>Things are different after that. <em>Tony </em>is different. He smiles more, laughs often, and he readily seeks Bucky out instead of waiting for him to come to the kitchen at dinner. Bucky hadn’t realized just how much Tony was waiting for the other shoe to drop until he finally relaxes.</p><p>It’s nice. It really is. Tony’s brilliant, of course, but beyond that, he’s funny and witty and he clearly cares. He takes care of his employees as best as he can and it’s obviously killing him that he can’t suit up to fight anymore.</p><p>“I want to,” he says one morning as he’s showing Bucky around the vineyard. “I miss being Iron Man, I really do. But Dr. Cho said it would kill me in a couple months if I kept trying to push myself and I was going to anyway—it’s a cold future that I saw out there. Then Rhodey was contacted by this old Air Force buddy—we all thought she was dead, turns out she was just keeping the universe safe. She realized the same thing I did so she went after the purple bastard with this huge alien army and, well, that was the only thing that was keeping me up at night and now he’s dead and—”</p><p>“And you think maybe you can rest,” Bucky finishes. He only knows about half the things Tony is talking about but he can figure out what he means. It’s not difficult to guess when Tony’s shoulders aren’t hunched anymore.</p><p>Tony nods.</p><p>“How’s it going for you?”</p><p>“You know how it’s been since you got here. Before that, it was—it was fine, really.”</p><p>He’s lying and Bucky knows it but he also knows not to push so instead, he tells Tony stories about Wakanda and makes Tony laugh when he talks about Shuri and T’Challa’s sibling rivalry and about Scott being pushed in a lake by one of the Dora Milaje.</p><p>And if he wracks his brain to find the best stories to share with him because he likes the way Tony smiles, who’s to judge him for that? Tony’s got a real pretty smile. There’s no shame in wanting to see it more often.</p><p>Least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.</p><p>He thinks Tony might feel a little more than friendly towards him as well. He keeps asking him out to go do things with him and there’s just something about the way his eyes glow when he looks over at Bucky… But their friendship is still new and he doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. They just barely got over Bucky killing the Starks, can they be friends for a <em>little</em> longer than a few weeks before they try anything else?</p>
<hr/><p>Bucky’s been there for about two months when he realizes that he can’t keep denying his feelings, not to himself at least. They’re watching a movie after dinner, some classic from thirty years ago about a group of kids who get detention together. Tony says it’s an absolute must-see coming-of-age film. Bucky says that that one guy would’ve gotten himself punched if he’d pulled a stunt like trying to go up the girl’s skirts in front of him.</p><p>“Steve said the same thing,” Tony says through his peals of laughter.</p><p>They’re about halfway done with the movie when he realizes that the snoring isn’t actually coming from the screen. He looks over at Tony to see him asleep, tucked up against the side of the couch, mouth slightly parted. He looks…sweet, somehow, peaceful in sleep in a way that he isn’t when he’s awake, not that that’s terribly surprising. Tony sometimes seems like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders—Bucky knows for a fact that Tony still works on projects for SI and the Avengers—and if he can take that load off during a movie, then Bucky sees no problem with that.</p><p>He grabs one of the blankets from the back of the couch and gently spreads it over Tony, smoothing it across his shoulders. He doesn’t mean to linger but then Tony turns into his hand, relaxing still further, and Bucky can’t resist sitting down on the floor next to him and carefully running his fingers through Tony’s hair.</p><p>Tony sighs, arches a little into Bucky’s hand, and smiles in his sleep. Bucky hides a smile as well, small and fond, realizes that he’s absolutely screwed, and goes back to the movie, still petting Tony’s hair.</p><p>When the movie ends, he gently shakes Tony awake. Tony wakes up cute, scrunching up his nose and fluttering his lashes open. “Hey, babe,” he murmurs. “What’d I miss?”</p><p>“Just about everything,” Bucky tells him, ignoring the way his heart skips a beat when Tony calls him ‘babe.’</p><p>“Oops.”</p><p>“Yeah, oops is right. You good to get to bed?”</p><p>He’s half-hoping that Tony will shake his head and let Bucky pick him, cradle him to his chest, and carry him to his room. Tony nods though, yawns, and stands, stumbling off toward the east wing. He waves his hand back to Bucky and says, “Let’s do this again sometime.”</p><p>And they do.</p><p>It becomes a thing. Not every night but most, Tony suggests a movie and no matter how tired either of them look, Bucky always says yes. So they’ll sit down and watch a movie—usually something that Tony thinks is important for Bucky’s cultural education—and about halfway through, Tony falls asleep. Bucky will get up, drape a blanket over him, and usually sit down next to him and pet his hair every time Tony gets antsy.</p><p>It works.</p><p>Bucky’s not falling in love.</p><p>He’s not.</p><p>Yeah, he’ll just keep telling himself that and maybe one day, it’ll be true. It’s just that—Tony is so very easy to love, though he tries to make it hard. Once Bucky got past those hard edges, it was easy to see how soft Tony was inside and after that, after he got to know how sweet Tony was, how generous, how kind, it didn’t take him long to fall at all. He just looked over one afternoon while Tony was teaching the kid of one of his employees how to change a flat tire and thought to himself, <em>Yeah, I love him</em>. The thought isn’t a very scary one—these months in the countryside have done wonders for his recovery—but he knows that Tony’s breakup with Miss Potts, while amicable, has been rough on him and he doesn’t want to push for more than Tony can give.</p><p>This is enough.</p><p>And then it’s not.</p><p>Because one day, Tony gets up from his couch as he’s falling asleep and joins him on his, sleepily murmurs, “Your lap looks comfortable,” and lays down so his head is resting on Bucky’s legs. Bucky looks down at him, hand resting in the hair hesitantly until Tony reaches up, grabs it, and puts it in his hair. So this is what they’re doing now. Huh.</p><p>This—this can be enough.</p><p>Right?</p><p>Except it’s not because then the movie is over and Bucky tells Tony that it’s time to go to bed and Tony sits up, running his hand through his tousled hair. He gives Bucky a soft smile, face only inches away.</p><p>“Tell me if you don’t want this,” he whispers.</p><p>Bucky is going to ask what he means but then Tony’s hand cups his cheek and he leans in, very gently brushing his lips across Bucky’s. He sighs, hand curving around Tony’s waist to pull him in for another kiss.</p><p>“I want this,” he whispers and kisses him again. Tony’s lips curve against his. Bucky runs his tongue along the seam of Tony’s lips and dips it inside for a taste. Tony tastes like his favorite white wine from the vineyard outside and like the cannoli he’d made for dessert. He tastes like heaven; Bucky steals another kiss and another until he thinks he could drown in them.</p><p>“I want this,” he whispers again and Tony lights up as Bucky pushes him down into the pillows, covering his body with his. “I want <em>you</em>.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>